or...

i might be leaving livejournal.

i signed up for this for the "wrong" reasons anyway.




so napanaginipan ko si daddy kagabi. as in, malinaw na malinaw yung itsura niya. naalala ko kasi nung huli kong panaginip, di ko na maalala mukha niya. or kahit kapag gising ako.

pero ngayon naaalala ko na.

may initsa daw siya sa'kin.

everyone's talking about the post-apocalypse and i'm here finally exploding.

maraming mga bagay na inaalala. kaya lalong napaparalisa.

one step at a time muna.

so magreklamo na lang tayo sa trigger ng eksplosyon

pagod na pagod na talaga ako.

lagi mo akong prinoprompt na kung pagod ka, bat di ka umalis.

at paulit-ulit naman tong usapang to, di ba?

ang sasabihin ko kaya ka ganyan magsalita kasi kampante kang di ako aalis.

ang sayang pantasya minsan.

AND TO THINK, TUNGKOL SA SHAMPOO ANG AWAYAN.

matatanggap ko ng pinag-awayan si freud, o ang mga rapists,o kahit ang mga pagtawa ko sa paborito mong palabas, kasi sige, maypagka-dikit yun sa ideology o politika. PERO SHAMPOO? ANO TO TUNGKOL SA COMMERCIALISM???

sinusubukan ko naman ha. nakakalimutan mo bang sinusubukan ko? kung magsalita ka kasi parang laging ikaw ang inaakusahan ko. parang ako lagi ang may kasalanan. I'M THE PROBLEM, DIBA??? kapag nagharap naman ako ng rekord ng mgag gawain mong di dapat, ako pa rin ang masama. tas kapag di na kita "inaakusahan" at kapag naging tungkol na to sa kung paano ko sinusubukan naman please tama na ang pag-aaway, ang sasabihin mo, TUNGKOL SA'KIN NA NAMAN ANG USAPAN.

PUTANG-INA. HINDI AKO TRUMPO.

stop threatening me, dammit. wag kang pasikot-sikot. do what you want. i've had it. all i want is to lay here. with the storms and all. nakakapagod e. you tell me i should learn not to care. i hope the time na when i do learn it, you'll regret it so much, i'll be the fucking monster the doctor created. and let's see, let's just fucking see what the fuck you would do.

1. It was like watching it on TV but it was supposed to be happening in real life. Kris Aquino was convincing Boy Abunda to get out of the country because of a recent death. Eventually, Boy Abunda coaxes Kris Aquino to come with him. That was Kris' facade faded and she started to cry because the only reason she was pushing Abunda to leave was projection.

2. My mom and I were watching Baywatch and I was really getting uncomfortable. Because it was about two short and a bit of stout women in the usual red bikini with a dialogue of the cheesiest porn one can think of. At one point, they even quickly took of their bikinis (like how one is supposed to take off a jacket) rubbed their boobies together and then put their bikinis back (again, like a jacket). Then some guy voice said he wanted to rub someone's back too. And a hand shot out from the sand revealing this errr, latino? guy. The two girls were brown and black by the way. Anyway long-haired latino guy was sad.

3. My mom's friend came in our home injured. Badly. I was about to give her a salad from the ref because mom told me to. The macaroni salad was supposed to be in the jar of a nestea bottle. The bottle looked like it was filled with nestea and some calling cards of some sort. It was supposed to be salad.

May girlfriend daw ako at dapat ipapakilala ko siya sa tatay ko. Typical elitist slash edgy ganda na payatot, matangkad, short hair at dressy dress. Umakyat ako sa pinakataas na floor ng mall dahil nandun doon ang opening ng kanyang bagong restaurant at art exhibit. Pagdating ko doon, niyakap niya ako at inintroduce sa ilang mga kaibigan niya. Tinanong ng isang kaibigan kung ka-anu-ano niya ako. Girlfriend ba daw niya ako? Tumawa siya, oo daw. Pero gusto ba daw nilang makilala ang boyfriend niya?

At doon ko nalaman na break na kami.

Umeskapo na ako ng dalhin ng pumasok siya sa kitchen. Bumaba ako sa ground floor at hindi nakatakas sa tatay ko na kasama ang kapatid ko. Tinanong niya kung saan na daw ang ipapakilala kong girlfriend. Sabi ko may inaasikaso sa top floor. Sabi niya, baket, hindi ba siya sumama sa burol ni cory?

1. O, bat namumula ang mata mo? sabi ni D.

A, kinamot ko kasi, sabi ko.

Tapos sinulat niyang stressed daw ako sa notebook niya.

Ina-assess daw ako ni D. Sabi ko, para kang psychiatrist. A oo, para talagang ganun dito, sabi ni D. Sabi ko sa kanya, para kang yung psychiatrist ko. Sabi niya, nagkaroon ka ng psychiatrist. Oo, sabi ko, walang kwenta.

2. Tapos nag-gather na kami. Kasama si S, A, R, J. Tapos pinakita yung plano. para siyang storyboard or comics. basta kailangan naming magnakaw ng aso. for positivism daw.

3. pumunta akong tiangge kasama ang lola ko (fiction lola) tapos drinive niya yung kotse pababa ng mall kasi akala niya parking lot pero hindi pala, daanan lang ng tao. nasagasaan pa niya yung yellow chain. tas nagalit si mama kasi bakit daw hindi dun sa parking lot sa tapat ng grocery ko pinark e alam ko naman daw dahil matagal na kaming doon nagpapark.

4. nakasabi na mga tiangge (sa ceiling or something) ang pinuntahan ko. dahil hindi ko naman alam kung paano nagwowork yun, naswing-swing ko yung buong tiangge at muntikang makapatay ng saleslady. pero hatak namin ang braso niya at napalanding in one piece sa lapag.

1.
I battled Magneto with Jubilee's power.

2.
I was talking to Lyra and Gege (from highschool and who I know is a student nurse, don't know if she graduated already) talking about transferring to UP along with Neri. Lyra couldn't get all the subjects in one semester because of Australia curriculum problems so she had to settle with one subject on one semester delaying her graduation.

We were talking inside my STS classroom when I saw the tarpaulin hanging around the walls. It was about MS1 subjects talking about cleaning the environment. I saw the nearest one, the last one, color blue, which wasn't really a tarpaulin but a big blue cartolina, with my name on it. It was thanking me, most of all for helping in the project. And I wondered who I helped until I saw his name beneath all the thank you's. It was K. I immediately looked for Neri to tell her the "good news." I spotted Neri only after a few minutes and I had to battle my way through the crowd for her to notice me. She was wearing her orange/black jacket, the one she's wearing in my facebook profile picture with her. I actually wasn't sure she was Neri until she waved back.

When we got back to the tarpaulin, the group was already cleaning it off. They were literally cleaning it off by erasing the text. And I told Neri, "Yan kasi, ang bagal mo. Di ko na siya mapapakita sa'yo." And I was referring to K.

But lo and behold,K was one of those who were cleaning it up. He was with his group and he had cut his hair too short. He wasn't cute anymore. He looked like a balding old man. But I was still jealous when he put his arm around his other groupmate. And I was thinking, ah, it is true that he does that to everyone.

So I was going back to my seat when he pinched the nape my neck. I was startled and pleasantly surprised. Although I was thinking, oh, he's looking a lot like H. He said thank you again but got distracted by two guys about something irrelevant. So I was annoyed and went ahead to my seat again where Justin and AC were waiting for me. They told me how much K sucked. They said they knew him in class and he was really "maangas," even from just the way he walks. I told them I understand why they see that but I was really embarrassed within, because I felt that "kilig" when he touched the nape of my neck.

After awhile, my girlfriend came in and announced that she was our teacher for that day. I was confused but sat quietly along with my classmates. We were only seating at the back of the huge classroom because she supposedly rented only that part. She was using a projector and a powerpoint presentation which amused me because I thought she didn't like those things.

At one point, she was laughing over something silly, about "Hey, may tuldok" and she thought it was funny that there was a small orange spot (looked like bursting spot of some sort) amidst the other spots in the design of one slide. Which is again didn't make sense in my dream world. She tried to explain why it was funny because of the "pixels." It was supposedly smaller when it should have been bigger. Like a thousand to thirty difference. I didn't understand a fuck so I didn't give a fuck.

And I think that was the reason why she got pissed off. Because I wasn't finding it funny. And then the next thing I knew, she was slipping in "me reference" of examples in her lecture. Specifically, how I'm a backstabbing bitch with K. And how K didn't really cared for me even as a friend. It got to the point that not only was she putting me on the spot, it was just downright shameful. So being in a dream, I actually did the mature thing to do and picked up my big black starry bag and went right out of the classroom.
I got out and found myself in the second floor of SM Marikina. I went down the elevator because I was looking for my friends. Specifically, I was looking for Lyra. She was with three or more people and I asked if I could join them.

3.
Rosario Cruz-Lucero was giving a lecture in a group of college students. We were sitting on mono blocks, under the open sky, and she was being quirky and relating very well with "the youth." I was surprised.

4.
Elmer Fudd was helping Bugs Bunny with food. So he helped him blow up a ground. This only lead to Bugs Bunny sliding down the hole formed in the ground and finding out bunch of sparkly gold. Meanwhile, some goons were telling Elmer Fudd how him getting all sympathetic with Bugs Bunny only ruined the operation. Elmer Fudd got mad at Bugs Bunny and told Bugs Bunny (I don't know how since he was above ground and Bugs Bunny was under) that he was only increasing the competition because Bugs Bunny found out about the gold.

But Grandma was looking over Bugs Bunny because she did something bad to Bugs Bunny and was repenting for it. She was also to be dead. She secretly lead Bugs Bunny to her house underground. It was made of gold. The furniture etc. There was a wind wheel emphasized, also made of gold. Bugs Bunny was so inspired he started singing about it.

Suddenly the dream zoomed out, I was watching it on my mom's tv and someone who was watching it me said, "I didn't know Bugs Bunny was musical." I told him that the singing voice of Bugs Bunny sounded like the voice of the one who starred in Caligula.

I saw him. I asked him to skip his classes. He didn't say yes or no. But I managed to make him accompany me to this... house. We had to climb over this brick wall, where his supposed bicycle was leaning onto. The place looked like an old childhood backyard mixed with the feeling of being in a province.

We went in this house. A resort cottage, I think. Then he was sleeping, all bundled up with a blanket. And I was happy because I made him miss class for me. But I knew it wasn't about me. He missed his class because of some flood.

The flood got in. Me, him, and some bunch of friends and family tried to drive away the flood by sweeping it. I don't remember if we ever did. Just that he remembered he has to go to class. So I went with him towards the brick wall again, holding hands, and he climbed over and waved goodbye.

At some point, I saw him bike towards this tall grass area stretching towards what was supposed to be the school but looked a lot like the citidel(?) of Magneto in the Uncanny X-Men.

Forget everything else. Isang bagay lang gusto mo ngayon: GRUMADWEYT!

Now, hanap ka ng incentive... Tipong bonggang-bonggang trip with a hotel for a finale, ganun. POCHA! Tas hanap ka ng incentive for the present... uh,kunin mo yung box ke kas. Hahahaha.

1. Saw him on a morning show with another cute guy of some sort. It was a "two cute guys with talent" theme. Apparently, he could play the guitar very well. So he played. I passed by him enjoying and imitating the guitar-playing. Cut scene: we were at my kitchen and he grabbed me. Said, whoah, where the hell have you been? I missed you. I told him, at school you idiot. And then things went to little steamy by the refrigerator. Until my mother came in and I had to scamper away and leave him there.

2. I ran into my room and pretended nothing happened. I doodled with a small box/hexagon with drawings of a hairy thumb. I put my kitten, Aki, in it and then got out of my room and showed it to my mom.

3. I saw Aki thrown at the living room window, then slowly falling. It was a signal of a huge storm coming.

Pumunta daw kaming Baguio dahil bet ni Tito Mar. Si Tita Lou lang daw ang naiwan dito sa Marikina. Kamukha niya yung bahay na pinagstayan ko sa Rizal halo with their bahay sa Tagaytay. Nang mag-tutbras ako, dumugo ng fatale ang ngipin ko. As in nagbrown yung tutbras.